Rape Victims Still Feel Pain, Years Later

Her hands were shaking so much Thursday that the two sheets of paper in the woman's hand rattled audibly against the microphone stand.

The woman stood before a group of people and described the two times she was raped.

"Kim" (last names are not revealed to shield their identities) was one of four sexual assault survivors to tell their stories at the second-annual "Denim Day" event that promotes awareness about sexual assault.

The event, sponsored by the Morris County Sexual Assault Center, was originally scheduled to be held on the Green, but was moved into the because of .

The event was started following a 1998 decision by the Italian Supreme Court, which refused to overturn a rape conviction because the victim wore tight jeans, said Denise Lang, the center’s director. The court said the victim must have helped her attacker remove her jeans, thus making the act consensual, she said.

As a result, the wearing of jeans has become an international symbol of protest against destructive attitudes about sexual assault.

The Morris County Sexual Assault Center was founded 10 years ago. The center’s mission is to provide awareness about sexual violence. With partner Atlantic Health, parent company of , the center runs a free hotline where suspected sexual violence can be reported confidentially with an offer of help, Lang said.

Kim said she was raped twice, each time by a man she was acquainted with and whom she had considered a friend.

The first time, she had just put her children to bed when there was a knock on the door. An acquaintance came in and soon he lifted her shirt and took off her pants. Kim said she protested and told him to stop, but the man continued.

“I told him he didn’t want to wake the children,” she said, but the man didn’t stop. “I thought he was a friend. This was the last thing on my mind.”

The second time she was raped, it was again someone she considered a friend. This time, Kim said, the man threatened her children if she told.

For years, Kim said, she blamed herself for the attacks. She blamed herself for opening the door to her apartment.

Kim withdrew from life, from contact with people and put on 100 pounds, she said.

“It was safer to stay away from people,” she said.

Finally, years later, counselors at the county sexual assault center convinced her the rapes were not her fault and she said she began to heal.

Lang said that 85 percent of rapes are committed by people familiar to the victim.

"Jean," another presenter at the event, was raped by her father twice a week between the ages of nine and 13. She kept quiet, she said, because she was worried about what would happen to him.

So she hid. Mostly, she said, she hid inside her body and added weight until at 16 she weighed 314 pounds..

“I was good at hiding,” Jean said.

But the trauma led to bad marriages and continued physical and emotional abuse until she finally knew for the sake of her daughter, she had to confront the horror.

Jean said her "independence day" was Jan. 2, 2010. “That’s when I put an end to 27 years of pain and suffering,” she said.

Today Jean is attending college, losing weight and caring for her daughter.

"Tony" said he hid from his sexual abuse in sports. Four years as an all-state high school athlete in four sports, a Big Ten conference football player, two years as a professional.

The sexual abuse started in the second grade when he was raped by a priest, he said.

Tony moved on from football to another career, got married and had a daughter. But, he was haunted by the sexual abuse and turned to substance abuse and violent rages to hide the anger. The career disappeared and Tony said he was on a “downward spiral.”

Finally, his second wife made a call to the sexual assault center. The hard part, Tony said, was that he would have to make the second call.

In the end, that was his message at Thursday's event: If you have been sexually abused, call the center.

“They can help; they helped me,” Tony said.

Morris County Freeholders Margaret Nordstrom and Tom Mastrangelo presented Lang with a resolution acknowledging the work of the center and the promotion of "Denim Day."

County Prosecutor Robert Bianchi said his office has taken "a proactive approach toward sexual assault through the community affairs division." He said the efforts include support from the freeholders and local police. The combined effort, he said, produced 100 fewer cases than in the preceding four years, but 1,000 more years of jail time as more suspects of serious crimes were brought to court.

The hotline number is 973-829-0587.