"I'll show you crazy!"
I confess that I obsess over my ex (And apparently I’m Dr. Seuss). My ex was the initiator of the “break-up” and I didn’t take it well. After it was over, I started a really bad habit: Twatching.
For those of you not familiar with the term to twatch is to watch someone’s Twitter timeline without tweeting (Urban Dictionary). Every time I did it I had this gnawing, nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach for two reasons: 1. I knew it was wrong on some level (no one wants to be a creep) 2. I knew I wouldn’t like what I found. However, I did it anyway. Why?!
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If someone no longer wants to be with you then you move on, right? Wrong. This isn’t as easy for some of us as it is for others. Below are 5 reasons why you and I obsess about our exes and what to do about it.
1. Blame Society! (partially)
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As Davis et al. (2000) surmised, the cultural patterns in our society imply that “persistence in the pursuit of a love-object is rewarded” (p.410). We are taught to be persistent in order to get what we want.
Furthermore, “individuals are encouraged to be relentless in pursuing what they desire most, even after being rejected”, as noted by Dynesha Mason in her book review of The Dark Side of Relationship Pursuit: From Attraction to Obsession and Stalking (2006, p.89). Below is an excerpt from her review in which she describes how society romanticizes persistence in courtship.
“Persistence is also encouraged in relationships. The desperate pursuit of a relationship is often romanticized in our society, especially in popular media, which is flooded with stories about men who pursue relationships with women who are not attracted to them. [...] Story lines such as this falsely portray the ‘relationship pursuit’ as socially acceptable, welcomed, entertaining, and rewarding. In the end, the ‘good guy’ or persistent individual succeeds in his pursuit. What these stories omit is the magnitude of devastation that unwanted relational pursuits can cause individuals in real life […]” (p. 89).
Read full article HERE
